


My Immortal

by Illnoira666 (Erin330)



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, My Immortal - Evanescence, Suicidal Thoughts, somewhat happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 07:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30136065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erin330/pseuds/Illnoira666
Summary: I was a bit in a mood, this was the product.
Relationships: Mika Häkkinen/Michael Schumacher
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	My Immortal

_‘I’m so tired of being here_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears_

_And if you have to leave_

_I wish that you would just leave_

_‘Cause your presence still lingers here_

_And it won't leave me alone…’_

When he heard of Michael’s accident in the Alpes, Mika had sunk to his knees.

He’d only spoken to his secret lover just before he went to Switzerland with his wife and kids, as he was finally going to tell them about their relationship. They weren’t close to telling the world but saying it to their wives and children was the first step they took towards coming out.

And now he was alone… again.

Erja had left him, disgusted with him. She’d cursed him and his male lover, screaming many profanities at him while packing her bags. She’d almost taken both their kids with her too, but Mika had managed to keep their son with him.

It felt like Erja’s curse had finally hit them the moment they believed they were going to be happy.

A poorly timed avalanche had put his lover in a deep coma, one he might never come out of.

Magic might not be actually real, but it definitely felt like there was a curse resting on his happiness.

_‘These wounds won’t seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There’s just too much that time cannot erase’_

_‘When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me’_

There… wasn’t a way for Mika to forget Michael.

Everything he did reminded the Finn of his beloved. His every possession, every memory… there was just no escaping the pain in his heart and soul.

There were moments he just wanted to end the pain, permanently. But then he remembered he had to care for his son. He couldn’t leave his boy alone, wondering why his father had left him. He threw all the vodka out, stopped drinking liquor in general and did everything he could to stop any and all of his nasty habits that could one day actually kill him.

The 2-time champion had to fight his pain and depression, for his boy.

Ronan was the only reason he hadn’t drunk himself to death after Michael’s accident.

Mika desperately hoped his son wouldn’t come to resent him once he discovered the reason behind his parents’ divorce and the sexual relations his father had with Uncle Michael.

_‘You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating light_

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind’_

Going to the hospital the first time was… horrifying. His heart constricted when he saw his beloved hooked up to all those machines. It did make him cry.

Michael… he’d been an enigma in life, stubborn and crazy, but his love was a goldmine.

Mika had been drawn in by all of that, the whole package that had been the Benneton driver.

And now… there was nothing of that resonating bright light, only the shell that once held it.

The Finn hadn’t cried often as an adult, but he’d basically lost the love of his life. It was justified to cry his eyes out in those white hospital sheets.

His beloved’s hands were still warm, but it were only the machines keeping the body alive.

A small, feminine hand found its way onto his shoulder.

Häkkinen turned to see Michael’s wife Corinna giving him a sad smile. He sighed. “I should go.”

“Michael would’ve wanted you here, especially now.” the woman said. “I know about you two.”

Mika’s shoulders slumped. “Then why aren’t you throwing me out?”

“Because I still love Michael. I know he loved me too, once upon a time, but he came to love you more. It’s not my place to separate the pair of you.”

“We’re not deserving of your kindness.” the 2-time champion said, rubbing the pad of his thumb on the wet skin below his eyes.

The German woman smiled. “You made Michael happier than I ever did. I truly love Michael, and I would never deny him happiness. That’s just what you do when you love someone. You belong together.”

“Mom?” a voice from the hallway asked. “Can I come in?”

“Of course, Mick.” Corinna then said. “Uncle Mika is here too.”

The young teenager peaked into the hospital room.

Mika’s stomach crunched. Did the boy already know?

Young Mick was 14, two months shy of turning 15. And he looked almost exactly like Michael.

“I’ve got to talk to the doctors. I’ll see you later.” and the mother of 2 left the room.

The young boy’s eyes sought out the older man’s ice blue ones. “Mom said you knew my papa well.”

The Finn nodded. “We knew each other quite well.”

“You were friends?”

It clicked in the platinum blonde’s head that Mick and Gina hadn’t been told anything just yet. “Yes. We were quite close friends.”

The teen cast his eyes down. “I always heard that you don’t have friends in racing.”

Häkkinen closed his eyes. “Not when you’re bitter rivals. But your father and I… we respected each other.” He opened his eyes again to look upon his secret lover. “It’s because of your father that I became a World Champion, I needed him to push me to my limits.”

Mick smiled and his eyes lit up.

 _His eyes_ … they were so similar to Michael’s.

_‘Your face it haunts_

_My once pleasant dreams_

_Your voice it chased away_

_All the sanity in me’_

The dreams he had about Michael were the worst, because he _knew_ they’d _never_ come true. _Not anymore_.

The Finn still dreamed he’d have Michael in his arms one day, smiling back at him while Ronan and Mick were laughing in the background. He dreamed about a grandiose wedding, that he’d have Michael’s ring around his finger.

The dreams made him cry.

If only the universe hadn’t cursed them, they could’ve been together once that skiing trip had ended.

They would’ve raised Ronan together, maybe Mick and Gina could’ve or would’ve lived with them too wherever they had decided to settle down and live out the rest of their lives.

“Papa?” his bedroom door opened, and his son poked his head through that opening. “Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing to worry about, sweetie.”

Ronan gave him a doubting look. “You haven’t slept in days. I heard at school that that’s bad for you.”

His son was right, but his dreams were driving him completely insane and awakened his suicidal thoughts.

“Sometimes, son, your dreams make you unable to sleep at all.” the former McLaren driver stated.

“Are you dreaming about the fights you had with mama?” the 13-year-old asked.

Mika shook his head. “That’s not it, sweetie.”

He already felt bad that both his children had heard the shouting that had been going on prior to their divorce, he wish he’d been able to shield his children from all the bad words he and Erja had yelled at each other after he’d confessed to her that he was in love with another, and a man at that too.

“Why did mama say that you didn’t love us anymore?”

“She said that?” the former F1 driver felt absolutely horrified. “Oh Ronan, I’d _never_ say such things.” he wondered if this is why Aila didn’t contact him, that Erja had convinced her that he was a bad father. “I love both you and your sister, I just fell out of love with your mother.”

The young boy then hugged his father tightly.

The double champion’s ice blue eyes softened as he wrapped his much larger arms around his son.

Ronan was the only reason he hadn’t killed himself.

_‘These wounds won’t seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase’_

_‘When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me’_

_‘I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you’re still with me_

_I’ve been alone all along’_

So many years passed since the day he heard of his beloved’s accident in the Swiss Alpes. It still hurt, the high probability that Michael was never again able to recognize him and remember the love that they had.

At least there was Mick, resonating a similar aura to his comatose father. It somehow soothed the pain which he felt in his heart.

Mick and Ronan had grown close over the years, as Mika had taken care of his lover’s son like his own. The two of them had basically become brothers and went everywhere together.

And now he and Ronan were standing in the crowd of engineers in Bahrein, looking up at the podium where Mick was standing on the top step.

Mick was the newest Formula Two Champion, and would debut for Haas next season.

Mika definitely felt immense pride at seeing Mick up there, in a similar spot that both he and Michael had stood upon in the days of their career in the junior series.

Maybe Michael wasn’t there to celebrate with them, but the Finn would definitely show Mick all the fatherly love and attention he needed.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I held your hand through all of these years_

_But you still have all of me_

_Ah, me, ah, me, ah’_


End file.
